‘I was left homeless and begging for my baby because of an emotionally abusive relationship’

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A girl who left her emotionally abusive ex-partner, shifting right into a hostel with their six-month outdated baby, is the “happiest (she has) ever been” since getting her life again on monitor – working for the social enterprise which helped her discover a new profession.

Regina Coker, 33, a partnerships govt from Kent, started courting a person in her 20s, however slowly got here to grasp he was controlling – making her lower all her pals and household out of her life.

Regina fell pregnant in 2015, and one argument along with her ex was so unhealthy that she began having contractions – so, when her baby was six months outdated, she determined to go away.

She was unable to get a council home because all of her funds had been in her ex-partner’s identify and she struggled to seek out proof of her deal with, so she needed to sleep on a buddy’s couch and then reside in a hostel the place folks would take medicine.

Eventually, St Mungo’s, a homelessness charity, helped her get a flat, and Beam, the world’s first crowdfunding platform for homeless folks, raised sufficient cash for her to coach as a dental nurse and paid for any childcare.

Since then, Regina has gone on to work for Beam, is in a wholesome relationship, and hopes that she may also help others “sleep in peace”.

Regina advised PA Real Life: “I ended up staying on a friend’s couch and I absolutely felt like I failed my daughter because I was throwing away a good life financially – how much we were bringing in each month was healthy enough for me to buy what I wanted.

“When I was in the council office I would have to go to McDonald’s over the road and beg them for hot water for my baby’s milk.”

When Regina was in her early 20s, she acquired into an emotionally abusive relationship.

“He was a good friend of mine and he always fancied me, I just didn’t know and there was a lot of game playing that was going on – I really should have been more alert to it,” she defined.

“We got together officially when I was 21 and then the control started – he would ask ‘What are you wearing?’ and ‘What are you doing with your hair?’

“He’d make up stories about my friends and persuade me to not be friends with them anymore.

“There were arguments for no reason and a lot of telling me that I’m not good enough.”

Over time, Regina’s then-partner turned extra and extra controlling, and when she fell pregnant in 2015 she realised simply how badly she was being handled.

She stated: “When I was about eight months’ pregnant… he made up an argument that came from nowhere, but I thought he was being serious.

“So he went ahead and argued with me and screamed in my face, and smashed a plate.

“Then I started getting contraction pains from the argument… I felt like I was going to give birth and that’s when I was like, ‘No, this is not normal, we shouldn’t be feeling like this’.”

At this level, Regina had lower off nearly all of her relationships along with her pals and household because of her ex.

“I believe my mum suspected that my ex was toxic and that’s the reason why she stepped away – she saw the signs of abuse before I did,” she stated.

“And she said to me, ‘If you’re going to continue with this relationship, I cannot sit down and watch you do this, I can see what’s happening’.”

After Regina gave delivery in December 2015 and her baby reached six months outdated, she determined to go away her associate.

She stated: “I wanted her to have a better life, and when she is dating someone, she’ll be able to see a true example of how you’re supposed to be.

“So I walked away and went ahead to the council – I packed up big black bags, and a pram – (my ex) was texting me over and over again, to tell me to come back, and then there were nasty messages.”

However, Regina was denied a council home because all of her funds had been in her ex’s identify and there was not sufficient proof to indicate she lived in her space, regardless of having two jobs there.

She was despatched to her hometown’s council workplaces, which she doesn’t want to identify, however was additionally advised she didn’t have sufficient proof that she used to reside there.

After two days of sleeping on her buddy’s couch, Regina was capable of transfer right into a hostel for £1927 per 30 days.

But she needed to depart her job as an property agent to have the ability to get earnings assist which might assist pay for her housing profit.

She stated: “A lot of the people that were there (in the hostel) were smoking weed… so I used to roll up towels and put them underneath my door.

“It was freezing and the space itself was filthy – there was a hole in the floor in the bathroom so you could see people coming in from the front door.”

Regina stayed within the hostel for round seven months, till St Mungo’s, a homelessness charity, helped her get a two-bedroom flat.

Then, Beam raised sufficient to pay for her to coach as a dental nurse in 2017.

She stated: “I knew I needed to get more stability in my life and I was struggling financially – Beam helped me with my training and paid for childcare.

“I could see all of the lovely messages from people who were sending in money for me which really helped, such as wishes for the future, and people saying I’m a wonderful mum.”

Regina usually discovered that her feelings would come to the floor all of a sudden, as she didn’t have time to course of what had occurred to her and her baby.

She stated: “On a random Saturday you’ll get a memory from when you were hiding in your car because the car was going to get clamped.

“Those were moments where I thought to myself, ‘Maybe it’s best if my daughter is with her dad, because he’s got more stability’.”

As time went on, Regina turned extra settled in her job as a dental nurse, and in October 2023, started working for Beam as a partnerships govt.

She stated: “I’ve healed completely from what happened previously, so much so that I can talk about it without crying, which is amazing.

“I’ve also been able to get back in touch with friends and family that I lost while with my ex-partner.

“I went ahead and spoke to Alex (Beam’s founder) and he said come and work with us, and that I’ve got that extra knack that we would need on the team… bringing in my story is definitely helping with speaking to people.”

She is now additionally in a wholesome relationship and has had one other baby.

She stated: “When I told him (my partner) about everything that happened, he said ‘I’m not toxic and I’m here to love you, and if you’re ever feeling like that just talk to me.’”

Looking again on her experiences, she stated: “I don’t regret going through what I went through because it’s made me who I am today.

“I’m looking at the faces of people that need help now and I can’t imagine going through what I went through in the current climate.

“I’m at the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and I would love to give the gift of that to the people that I see on the campaigns – the feeling that I feel right now where I can sleep in peace, and not wake up and think I don’t want to be here.”

Beam has helped hundreds of folks like Regina to maneuver out of homelessness because of its neighborhood of changemakers – hundreds of individuals who sponsor somebody every month.

Each month, Beam changemakers get a feel-good e mail, introducing them to the particular person they’re backing that month. This 12 months, Beam additionally opened up its mannequin for corporations wishing to make an affect.

For extra info, go to beam.org.