Catfish victim making ‘the best of life’

It all began with a pal request.

Kirat Assi thought she’d hit the jackpot when Bobby, a good-looking heart specialist, received in contact together with her in 2009.

He wasn’t a complete stranger. The pair have been each from west London’s Sikh group and had mutual buddies in frequent.

So, Kirat accepted, and her on-line chats developed into deeper conversations earlier than blossoming right into a full-on love story.

The two grew to become increasingly entangled in one another’s lives however they by no means met, even after years of correspondence.

Bobby would supply more and more outlandish excuses. He’d had a stroke. He’d been shot. He had entered witness safety.

The tall tales, although, have been all the time backed up by somebody near Bobby – or so Kirat thought.

In fact, she was the victim of a wildly elaborate and traumatising catfishing scheme.

After 9 years, when the reasons ran skinny, Kirat lastly got here face-to-face with Bobby.

But she did not recognise the particular person in entrance of her.

The particular person she’d been messaging was her feminine cousin, Simran, who had been the brains behind the whole lot.

Looking again now, Kirat asks herself: “How could you have been so stupid?”

Kirat’s stunning story was a success for podcast maker Tortoise in 2021. You can take heed to that on BBC Sounds right here. Now, three years on, Netflix has lately launched a documentary which options her recounting her expertise.

She says that telling her story has prompted others to ask the identical query: “How can somebody fall for that?”

It’s additionally prompted abuse from some folks on-line.

“For people who might still think I’m stupid. That’s fine, you’re allowed your opinion,” she tells BBC Asian Network News.

But Kirat says folks should not make assumptions – and countering these was partly what prompted her to inform her story.

“I’m not stupid, I’m not dumb. I’m the one that’s chosen to speak.

“I’m the one which’s put myself out within the firing line and I hope others will come ahead,” she says.

Which prompts another question: Why would someone who’d been duped in this way put themselves in the public eye?

Kirat, who’s from a Punjabi background, says speaking out was important because she wanted to challenge stigmas in the South Asian community.

“We are so scared to open up about these points,” she says.

“Because of how a group will probably be seen by wider society, the victims in our communities preserve struggling.”

Kirat says her dad’s reaction to her story is a good example of what she means.

“He does not wish to know what occurred,” she says.

“Because to withstand what occurred, and the way horrific it was, it is going to be painful.

“I love my dad and I know my dad loves me,” she says, including: “It’s a different set of values that he has been brought up with.”

Kirat says she hasn’t spoken on to “the real Bobby” about what occurred, and places this right down to the group’s reluctance to have tough conversations.

She wonders if her expertise would have been the identical if she’d come from one other background.

“I’d be making different decisions,” she says.

“Because we have responsibilities towards our community. You have the pressure of family.”

Despite some destructive reactions to the re-tellings of Sweet Bobby, Kirat says she would moderately take care of questions up-front.

“If you do see me, don’t be scared to approach me,” she says.

“And if you want to say something which might be controversial to me, it’s OK.

“Let’s have a dialogue about it,” she says.

When Kirat’s asked if speaking to podcast or documentary producers has given her a sense of closure, she’s less certain.

Simran rejected offers to be involved in the documentary, where she’s played by an actress.

Kirat successfully brought civil action against her cousin, receiving compensation and an apology at the end of the case.

A statement from Simran included in the show says: “This matter entails occasions that started when she was a schoolgirl. She considers it a non-public matter and strongly objects to what she describes as quite a few unfounded and damaging accusations.”

Kirat says Simran hasn’t faced any criminal charges, and wants her to be held accountable.

“I’m not OK with that particular person being on the market,” says Kirat.

There’s another question that she’s no closer to answering: Why?

Kirat doesn’t think she will ever truly find out what drove the campaign against her.

“I believe I’ve lengthy given up,” she says.

“The extent to which that particular person went, you may’t ever justify it.

“I can’t understand why you didn’t stop… what gave you pleasure from hearing somebody in pain.”

But not having solutions shouldn’t be stopping her from transferring ahead with life, together with relationship once more.

“I’m working really hard, harder than I should have to right now to rebuild my life and career,” she says.

“I don’t carry the victim mentality around with me. I don’t want to be that person.

“I’m going to hold on working in direction of targets and goals.”

Sweet Bobby: My Catfish Nightmare is available to watch on Netflix.

Listen to Ankur Desai’s present on BBC Asian Network stay from 15:00-18:00 Monday to Thursday – or hear again right here.