Is cheating genetic? Love Is Blind contestants seem to think so

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The sixth season of Love Is Blind has been nothing wanting drama, suspicious parking zone rendezvous, and the occasional point out of Megan Fox.

Much like previous seasons of Love Is Blind, which has captivated Netflix viewers with its messiness since 2020, the fact relationship sequence challenges 30 single women and men to discover real love in windowless rooms affectionately often known as “pods”. They’re tasked with getting engaged in simply 10 days, all with out seeing one another in particular person, earlier than saying “I do” in a matter of weeks.

While the premise of the previous six seasons are all the identical, evidently this installment is extra dramatic than ever earlier than – specifically, for its off-camera antics and slew of exes unknowingly discovering their companions on nationwide tv. However, no couple had viewers shouting the phrase “walking red flag” at their screens greater than Clay Gravesande and Amber Desiree “AD” Smith.

At the beginning of the season, we noticed 33-year-old actual property dealer AD spark a reference to entrepreneur Clay within the “pods” after she ended issues with the so-called “villain” of the present, Matthew Duliba. AD and Clay’s relationship appeared to defy Love Is Blind requirements from the very starting; the social experiment’s major stipulation is falling in love sight unseen, but Clay informed AD he wouldn’t suggest to a girl except he was positive she was enticing in particular person.

While the 31-year-old nonetheless proposed to AD and the pair left the “pods” engaged, they encountered much more obstacles after they returned dwelling to North Carolina. And no, it wasn’t when the Love Is Blind star informed his fiancée that he wouldn’t let her achieve weight if she was pregnant and would push her to work out in a fitness center. Throughout their three-week relationship, Clay by no means shied away from warning AD about his concern of dedication, the have an effect on that his mother and father’ divorce had on him, and his worries that he would cheat on his accomplice.

“The way I did grow up with my father and how I’ve seen cheating as a regular thing… the fact that my mom and dad were best friends but my dad was still cheating,” Clay informed AD in episode seven of the fact sequence. “Infidelity was a thing, and my dad would take me with him to some of his infidelity trips.

“To me, the concept of one girl, I’m always having a fear of like: ‘Can I just be with one person?’” he mentioned. “I take it serious with marriage and even with me loving you, the marriage part is like an unknown thing to me.”

In extra methods than one, Clay expressed his self-doubt about marriage to AD – who spent everything of their relationship hoping he would overcome his fears. At occasions, it appeared to followers that AD was ignoring the indicators, just like the age-old proverb: “If he tells you he thinks he’ll cheat, believe him.” To others, it appeared that Clay was merely making excuses for his behaviour and refusing to take accountability.

Sabrina Zohar, an expert relationship coach and host of the Do The Work podcast, believes it can take much more than simply three weeks’ participation in a social experiment for Clay to lastly be prepared for dedication. “What frustrates me hearing Clay is, it’s just a bunch of excuses,” she informed The Independent. “It’s a lot of: ‘I’m going to let you know I’m going to hurt you, but to make myself feel better about myself, I’m going to at least share it with you and say I’m not gonna do it.’

“But the reality is, the work that he needs to do to be able to move through this is going to be years of therapy, not finding a girl and spending three weeks with her and then saying: ‘F*** it. I’ll get married.’ It’s just a recipe for disaster, if you ask me.”

It’s true that considered one of our first examples of an grownup, romantic relationship – whether or not constructive or detrimental – is the one set by our mother and father. As younger kids, seeing how our mother and father deal with one another serves as a template for a way we deal with others in a relationship. We want to see ourselves in our mother and father, however as we get older, we additionally recognise their faults and capabilities to harm these closest to them. For Clay, whose father introduced him alongside on so-called “infidelity trips” to cheat on his mom, it’s very effectively that such an expertise would make him fearful about his personal talents to be trustworthy.

“For a man, I think having that ingrained in you and seeing some of those maladaptive behaviours, he grew up thinking: ‘Okay, this is what I’m supposed to do,’” mentioned Denise Brady, a licensed marriage and household therapist who specialises in EMDR remedy and childhood trauma. In episode 10, Clay knowledgeable his fiancée that he had watched previous seasons of Love Is Blind so as to be taught what a constructive instance of a husband ought to appear like. Of course, it’s essential to word that solely 9 {couples} who have been married on Love Is Blind are nonetheless collectively.

From expressing his fears about infidelity to opening up concerning the position his father has performed in his maturity, it’s simple to argue that Clay is definitely being mature and susceptible about his emotions – one thing that males on actuality TV, together with Love Is Blind, usually will not be. While some followers might declare his fears about cheating a pink flag, pink flags in relationship are additionally subjective. In reality, Cat Hoggard Wagley – a licensed particular person and relationship therapist with The Brave Life Therapy – believes that Clay and AD’s candid conversations about cheating are a lesson in wholesome communication, particularly with a subject as taboo as infidelity.

“Something that’s really important in all relationships is having hard conversations head on and knowing how to navigate them in safe ways,” she mentioned. “We live in this world where everyone is looking for red flags. The idea of someone saying: ‘I’m afraid I could cheat,’ feels like a red flag to a lot of people and I understand why that would be. But when I’m watching it, what I’m seeing is someone being incredibly transparent about what they know is in the realm of their behavioural possibilities and just trying to be upfront and honest about it.”

Open relationships, polyamory, moral non-monogamy and different options to full monogamy have considerably elevated in recognition inside the final 10 years alone. According to a YouGov survey from 2020, 43 per cent of American millennials have been seemingly to say their ideally suited relationship is non-monogamous. In 2023, one in eight adults mentioned they’ve already engaged in sexual actions with another person with the consent of their accomplice.

Traditional monogamy has lengthy been seen as the perfect relationship, however with an already rising curiosity in consensual non-monogamy all through the US, it’s essential for companions to outline what behaviours they contemplate to be cheating – whether or not it’s liking an Instagram DM from a former “pods” fling or sustaining a friendship with a previous sexual accomplice whilst you’re engaged.

“It’s helpful to have common ground and to agree with each other about what cheating is,” Wagley mentioned. “Some people say kissing at the bar isn’t cheating, but taking someone home is. Some people say sex isn’t cheating, but telling someone ‘I love you’ is. Everybody’s interpretation is different, and that is something that I think really needs to be discussed.”

Even speaking about the way you talk, which Wagley outlined as metacommunication, is important at any stage in a relationship. Throughout Love Is Blind season six, through which blowout fights appeared to be the norm, Clay and AD do deserve their flowers for navigating battle calmly and rationally. When the entrepreneur opened up to his fiancée about his fears of cheating and dedication, the true property dealer responded by providing phrases of encouragement and verbalising her expectations.

“I’m not afraid,” AD informed Clay in episode 10. “I think there will be times where I am and I’ll need you, and I think right now is the time where you are and you need me a bit more, and I’m okay with that.”

“I am okay with a yes or no at the altar,” she mentioned. “I can pick myself up and we can have a conversation about that. Unfortunately, I’m not okay with just being a long-term fiancée. I don’t think I could continue to date you after if it’s a no.”

As adults, we’ve decisions. While Clay’s generational trauma and fears about infidelity are legitimate, as a result of they’re certainly his fears, relationship specialists agree that cheating will not be hereditary. Vulnerability – particularly in males – ought to be extra extensively accepted, however not when that vulnerability is used as an excuse to stroll away scot-free from the problems at hand.

“What that’s doing is it’s taking no accountability,” mentioned Zohar. “It’s not owning up and saying: ‘I get to decide how I show up in my adulthood.’ Now, are there traumas and triggers? Absolutely. Does that mean you can’t work through it? No, that just means you have to go to therapy, and he openly admitted he’s not in therapy. Off the bat, that’s the first issue.”

For Clay and AD, evidently a contented ending could also be attainable – that’s, within the very distant future. In the season six finale, AD walked down the aisle wearing white and mentioned “I do” to Clay on the altar. But when it got here time for him to commit, Clay informed his fiancée (in entrance of all their marriage ceremony company) that he simply wasn’t prepared.

“AD, I love you. I don’t think it is responsible for me to say ‘I do’, but I want you to know I’m rocking with you, and I just don’t think it’s responsible for me to say ‘I do’ at this point when I still need work,” he mentioned. “I still need to get to the point where I’m 100 per cent in, and I’m not gonna have you over here thinking that this is not going to work.”

Although Clay had briefly talked about it earlier than, the season finale was the primary time he reassured AD he would begin going to remedy and work on his personal therapeutic. Now, the jury’s out on whether or not the previous engaged couple are nonetheless collectively. With the Love Is Blind season six reunion simply across the nook, followers will lastly be taught whether or not AD stored her phrase and ended issues with Clay for good, or if he held up his finish of the cut price.

“Love Is Blind is just such a great example of people who think they’re ready for a relationship and they don’t have the tools or the bandwidth in order to actually handle a relationship. It’s a lot of them writing checks they’re not ready to cash. It’s not that they haven’t found the right person; they just haven’t become the right person,” added Zohar.

“That’s what I get from this season more than anything; it’s just a bunch of wounded birds thinking everyone else is going to save them without understanding that they need to do that for themselves.”